30 day TRUTH challenge!

A lot of people are doing the 30 day challenge on there blogs, so I am jumping on this one.
I am going to do my best to answer all of these question with pictures, because I feel like challenging not only myself to tell the truth, but to challenge my creativity with photographing.


Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.


Day 2: Something you love about yourself.


Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Lyrik, Lyrik... oh how I didn't want day three to come, well when I lived with my mom, I depend on her to help me with Lyrik, I wouldn't always clean his face after he ate, I would wait and till I did this "one last thing" on the computer. I would spend a lot of time on my computer, working on my businesses, which took from spending time with him, I wasn't as active as I am with him now, with crafts, coloring, playing outside, playing games, etc. which put him in font of a tv, or playing with the daycare kids (which is okay). But I should have been spending a lot more time with him, like I do now. Now yeah, I need to work hello how else will support us, and I guess in a sense If I wasn't working on my computer I would be working away from him, which would be worse. When I moved out of my moms house that's when things changed which is kind of a blessing in it's self I guess, I stopped doing one of my business, and only had photography, which eliminated more then half the time I was on the computer, and it put me in front of him, which is where I need to be, now with Trinity to, and I also learned there isn't anyone else to help, so I don't wait for "one last thing," I know no one else will do it, and he DESERVES to have it done right then, because can't do it himself, and shouldn't have to wait. I love him so much, and I love my Daughter so much and I will ALWAYS put them first. I guess I need to realize that I can't and wasn't perfect and forgive myself for it, which is hard! Love you baby boy, mommy is still learning about life, right along with you!

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Right when I look at day four, my mother popped into my head. I have been hurt, stepped on, treated like shit, beaten, abused sexually, mentally, and physically by several people. But for some reason, my Mother is the one person I still can not get myself to forgive. Maybe it's because she is the one person here on earth that should love me the most, and it seems like she is the one person that hates me the most, resents me, has treated me like a huge mistake sense I can remember. I wish I could say it was different, but I would be lying. If I could choose to have not have been brought into this world for the sake of saving this women from having to hate one of her own children this much, I would have. She has done a remarkable amount of things to me in my life time, but the most recent is what hurt the most. I don't think it's appropriate to share on here. But to say the lest, I know where I stand, and that is most differently no where near this women I am supposed to call my Mother! Are family has literally been split into two and my poor sweet grandma is the one bearing from it the most. I wish I could change this women into someone worth calling a mother, for the sake of my grandmother. I don't know if day 4, was supposed to help me forgive this person, or not. But it didn't, because I don't think there is anything in this world that could get me to forgive her.
{I know the pictures aren't recent ones, but after reading this, I am sure you know why that's not possible, ha}


Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

This world is so beautiful, how can you doubt God when you look at his creation, this world, and the people, and things in it are far to complex to not believe in a higher power! I find photographs so meaningful, and amazing, it's so amazing, that even though family members and friends have passed, that we still have the ability to look at these people in pictures, we have the ability to look back at not only family, and friends, and our self's, but our children, I find that such a blessing in it's self for me with my children because it feels all to fast for me. Have you REALLY ever though about how powerful an image is? Like really, think about it! You would never know what your great, great, great grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. Looked like with-out the power of a camera, without a processed print, without the time of a person taking the picture. Did you know back in the day it would take over an hour for a photograph to be captured, for a camera to actually snap a shot, and you wonder why the people in the photographs look so mad! Ha, That is why I find it amazing that it took me only one second to capture 6 images on my camera of this sunset, ONE SECOND! That is a huge difference from then to now! Well I guess I will get to the point, something I hope to do in life is; be AMAZING at photography!! I want to capture moments in life, that will not only last me a life time, but others too!


Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Well I have fallen behind, so I am going to hurry and catch up! Okay this one is easy to answer, but even saying it makes me feel sick, I NEVER, EVER, EVER want to barre one of my children! I have been threw so much, and have over come it, or looked passed it, or just subsided the feelings. But THIS, this I could NEVER handle my children are EVERYTHING TO ME!!


Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I think you all know what I am going to say on this one, MY CHILDREN! They have made every single day of my life worth living for, EVEN when Lyrik isn't in a good mood, even when Trinity isn't in a good mood, at the end of every SINGLE night, I look at them in there beds as they sleep and it brings the most unexplainable feeling to my heart of PURE joy!! When I am sad, or upset, I just look at my babies and I can't even help but to smile! I love them so much!


Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Hmmm.. there are two people that fit this category, and sense one has already filled one of the other questions, I am going to do this one on my Son's Father! A lot of you know about Scott, and a lot of you know Lyrik's Dad who isn't there for him, and that's it. Let's put it this way, when I was with him he cheated, beat me, lied to me, hurt me mentally, physically, and ANY other way you can hurt someone he had done it, and some how STILL today he hurts me, even though I have had zero contact with this man ever sense my son was 2 1/2 months old and he is now 29 months old, looking at my Son and knowing he is Fatherless just breaks my heart way more then Scott ever could have done himself, personally to me! I wish my Son had his Father, and some of me thinks it is better that he doesn't want to be there for him because he wasn't a good person, to me anyways! I am scared for the day Lyrik realizes he doesn't have a Dad, if he already hasn't! :( So not only was the two years I was with him, an HONEST TO GOD NIGHTMARE, every-time I think of my Son being hurt because he doesn't have someone to call Dad is beyond a living hell for me!

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

An old friend just popped into my head, I used to be very good friends with a girl named Ashley! We had to much fun together!

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Skip! ha


Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

My hair, and eyes.

(don't want to post pictures of them AGAIN.)

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

My feet.
(don't want to post pictures of them AGAIN.)

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Oh man, you know what there isn't one band or artist in particular, it's a radio station, well two they are both christian music though; K-love, and Air-1, I can't recall how many times I have been going threw a tough time and just turn on this amazing Christian music. And it NEVER fails when something happens the PERFECT song comes on! God is good!

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I have only one hero, and he has never let me down, just because things don't go my way, or I don't understand it at the time, I eventually put my trust into him, and know that there is a reason, and there will be an answer! My hero is God!

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Skip! ha

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Honestly, I have such a soft spot for children or people in need, I don't know what it is, but I could for-sure live without hate, hurt, pain, hunger, EVIL. I think you know where I am going with this, I guess this is my natural 'made for eternity' self kicking in. For those who don't get that, we are ALL made for a life of eternity in heaven where everything I just listed doesn't exist!

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Well the Holy Bible of course! and "Scream Free Parenting" it has changed a lot of my views! Specially on how to raise a child! You can never stop learning!

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play-list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Come join the fun!